Why I Said No to Church (And What It Taught Me About Community

The uncomfortable truth about finding your people when the world doesn’t get your reality

Transmute motherhood reshaped by autism & special needs into a life you genuinely LOVE inhabiting. A weaving together of a personal lifeline, honest letters, soulwork, & intimate community.

I’ll confess something to you right now: I’ve never been a very popular person in any of my social circles growing up… And it’s never bothered me enough along my journey to truly make an effort towards changing that fact. I’ve always been quite content with only being “popular enough” for the people whom I actually cared about to know who I was. And it was definitely a smaller collection of individuals who were in my corner compared to most others, but I have rarely experienced feelings of lack or want for more. I felt like I was surrounded by just the right number of My People.

I was invited out to a church service by a family member just recently. I was originally amused by their invitation, being how the both of us were well aware of the nature of my spiritual leanings and what my practice of it makes me look like to outsiders (it rhymes with “itch”). But the relative insisted, even making the case for how it would be a benefit to my children who “need prayer”.

Having navigated such conversations before, I calmly explained to her how I wasn’t declining the prayers, but instead I was choosing to avoid the overwhelm attached to the required level of hypervigilance for such public outings, not to mention the whole additional person I would need to accompany me for practical assistance and support of many kinds, the uninformed public opinion of my children behaving badly due to my lack of parenting them properly, and then the questions from that same uninformed public that I didn’t want to answer or clarify with education, the cascade of rude and blatant stares, the awkward silence following me and my kids around wherever we go…. I could easily go on and on.

My relative ended up only disagreeing with my reasoning (and strongly so), thus not even understanding a little bit about the experience of what happens to be my daily reality. All of that on top of their short notice given and also their entitled stance of me somehow owing them my approval and presence for the Friends and Family Day observance at their place of worship.

Plus, their church was absolutely NOT attended by a community of My People.

And I’ve been ruminating over just that theme lately: community… How it shows up in our lives, how we come to discover it for ourselves, and how often we forget that we actually do require it in some certain capacity.

I used to carry so much stuff around on my on for many, many years during an all-too common and perpetual juggle of my marriage, my two children, their diagnosis, my work and craft… Back in those days I’d quickly remind myself that I was strong enough to bear it all AND retain my sanity in the end… And maybe I was, but having so much strength without support can very quickly develop into a case of classic survival mode.

After some time and a much-needed shift in my mindset, I realized that having a community of My People was not the luxury that had I framed it as, it was actually a lifeline.

It’s the life-giving text message from another special needs mom reassuring me from experience that I am indeed strong enough to survive another day of this life. It’s the hope of seeing another mom with a big, genuine grin out authentically enjoying the time she is spending with her neurodivergent child because she has found a pace and place in life that regularly imparts joy. It’s the release in being able to admit that: no, you’re really not doing okay these days, and then not having to explain every reason why because your company already intimately understands millions of reasons themselves.

Community doesn’t erase the hard things that we are faced with, but it definitely can make them seem lighter by comparison. It also opens up a space for joy, laughter, perspective, and even rest to enter in.

I truly don’t believe that we, as people, were meant to go up against our lives all alone… Instead, we’re called to acknowledge each other as we all face our own truth, to be present to hold another up at the needed times, to remind each other of our inner strength during trials, and to witness each other’s personal growth. And that belief lives at the very center of every effort I make towards building out the special space that I am currently tasked with. This is true whether it’s through the writing of this email publication, the recording of its companion podcast, the different resources that I routinely create, or the membership experience that I am carefully curating.

If you’re craving the connection to be found within a community full of Your People, let this be your reminder: You don’t have to idly wait by for what looks like the ideal people at the ideal timing… Be active and start small. Reach out. Share your story. Let yourself be seen.

And if you happen to need a community of your own right now… ..well, just know that you’re already a part of one, and it is here.

With Gratitude,

Cheniece Patrick ♡

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Little Alchemies is more than just another lifestyle blog or newsletter about parenting special needs and neurodivergent children; it’s a mom’s real life personal journal and a sanctuary for other mothers and women inhabiting their lives again after Survival Mode. Through honest essays, gentle prompts, and an intentional community, you’ll rediscover your creativity, identity, and inner calm.

TRANSMUTE the weight of living into gold.

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